Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Mo' Money, Less Problems

Forget what Diddy said ladies. Sometimes, by spending more money up front for beauty products, you save yourself time, anguish, and most importantly, cash.

For example, you buy Brand X foundation at La Drugstore. After you actually wear Brand X in public, you realize it sucks in a triple X kinda way. It's the Jenna Jameson of foundations, and you've spent $12.00 bucks on it. La Drugstore's return policy on cosmetics varies from store to store. You live in an urban area, so you are totally SOL. NO RETURNS. Balls.

You instead have to purchase another foundation, and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out for you, the cycle continues. I've lived this folks. Let me tell you something--it's not worth it. I've had my come to Grilled Cheesus moment. I  saved money and bought a few real, returnable, high-end products.

I look f$%ing fabulous.

I also returned 2 foundations and a powder before I was satisfied. Here are some tips I am passing down to you before you enter the scary customer service driven worlds of Sephora and Ulta.

1. Research products online and read reviews.

Duh. There are people like me tripping over themselves to make sure you don't buy a shitty product. Let us help you chicas. Google it. Read about it. Be informed about what you smear on your face.

2. Look good when you go shopping.

Seriously, I don't want no scrubs shoppin' at Sephora wit' me. Look good. You will feel confident, and the sales people are less likely to hone in on you like cheetahs on an injured antelope. Strut bitches, strut.

3. When they ask if you want help, tell them no, even if you need it. 

But Amanda, you ask, isn't this counterintuitive? Yes and no. If you tell them that you are browsing when you walk in, you don't have to worry about them stalking you and pressuring you to buy something. In my case "help'"consisted of two very orange foundations and an illuminating powder that lit me up like a Studio 54 Disco Ball (I did, however, get directed to the bestest mascara in the world). Under the prison lights of their stores, anything looks good. Daylight is the real test. If you need advice ask for it, but browse on your own first. Smear the back of your hand, your collar bone, and your cheek with a million sundry products. Go crazy. Narrow it down to three or four items like items. Then ask a sales person for help if you are still lost.

When I browsed and picked out products on my own, I hit home runs. I know how pale and greasy I am, and how large my pores are. These beatches have no idea about my struggles. Know thyself, and buy products that work for you.

4. Don't be afraid to return things.

If you hate it, return it. Life goes on. Pick something else instead. Don't let the stank eyed gaze of the salesperson scare you. RETURN IT.

5. Don't be scared to try something different.

Get sucked in by cute packaging. Pay too much for something you don't feel like you can live with out. If it sucks, you can always make like number 4 and RETURN IT. It could be the best purchase you ever made.

I'll be posting reviews on my high end haul shortly. Don't think I've abandoned my dollar store roots Internet. I will forever prowl the aisles of CVS looking for eyeshadow quads and lipglosses while slightly buzzed off of vodka and sugar free Redbulls. Old habits die hard.